Dear Mr. I’m So Important;
It has come to our attention that you have become so important that you can’t go three hours without answering your cell phone. Due to this inexplicable rise in your level of importance, we ask that you no longer attend feature films in public cinemas. Please restrict all viewing of public entertainment to five (5) minutes or less, so as to avoid the necessity of answering your cell phone and interrupting said entertainment. You are much to important to be mauled by angry moviegoers, resulting in a possible trip to the emergency room where you would be out of communications range indefinitely.
If you do wish to view any form of entertainment lasting more than five (5) minutes, surely you are important enough that a private viewing can be arranged for you in a secure location, far from the unwashed hordes.
We appreciate your cooperation,
The Department of Arrogance and Narcissism
